Somehow I knew my way to his feelings was partly sexual. His door was closed. We didn’t lock doors in our home. Should I knock first? Feeling very clear that Ian was my priority I opened the door silently. Ian was on his bed naked from the waist down wanking a hardon for all his worth. This was not what I expected. Ian stopped. “Mum go away. Please go away.” That was not an option. I went to his bedside and just pulled him to me hard against my chest and held him whilst he continued yelling at me to go. I didn’t and he slowly calmed down sobbing now at what must have been for him a betrayal of him and maybe even his father. Gradually his sobbing stopped as I relaxed slightly my hold on him. I lay next to Ian on his bed, cradling his head on my shoulder. I actually wanted to tell him all about Teresa but knew that Tom was the bogy in the way that had to be dealt with. I decided to be bold – the only way. “Ian how come you were wanking when I came in?” He didn’t immediately respond so. "I've learned a few things in Hillview during those sessions. I must stand up for myself. I know I'm in a bad position to make demands and I'd rather give up my own dreams than lose you for good, but if you could just meet me halfway on a few issues, if you could make just one step towards me, I can make those steps too. If we both give in a little there can be no resentment."Cliff had listened to her as she emptied her heart and he looked down. "I've been thinking about that a lot. You know, that I just assumed that you shared my plans. It was easy though. You never said anything, so why bother asking?" Cliff, do you think you can make compromises? I may not ask for anything at all, mind you, but I'd like the feeling that my dreams count for something." You mean your singing?" Not only that. I mean everything that may come up. If and when we want children, if and where we move. I mean, say you get a job offered in North Dakota, will you talk to me before you accept and if I say 'No.
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