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I dropped my bag on the kitchen worktop and picked up. ‘Hello?’ ‘Listen, you don’t know me but I think you used to be Tilly Marston’s girlfriend, Lisa? My name is Lauren Sage; does that name ring any bells?’ Tilly and I had been together for seven years until she was offered a job in New York and decided with my agreement to take it. She was formidably intelligent and ambitious and I had known she’d resent me forever if I had stopped her. She had asked me to go with her but I knew in the depths of me that she didn’t want me to really. I’d have cramped her so I’d said no, cried for a month and let her wings spread. That was four years ago. My beautiful Tilly; the mention of her name stopped me dead. Was there, I wondered, some dreadful news about her? ‘Er, yes, is Tilly alright; has something happened to her?’ I had not heard a word from her for at least two years. Of course we had promised to keep in touch and we did for a while, but her emails had become fewer and fewer and. I won’t push until I know. I never want to hurt you, Lily. You really are my best friend. Please say you’ll help me with birth classes, though. Okay?”“Okay,” she sniffled.I wished I could tell her I’d been through this birth stuff before and it was painful and lonely. My baby had been born on December 29 and I was alone. Jesse got a huge bonus for staying in the oil fields during the holiday. My mother dropped me off at the hospital when I went into labor and didn’t come back. Jesse’s mother showed up in time to fill out the birth certificate and name my baby while I was still in recovery. They brought Willa to me three times a day so I could give her a bottle and bond, and then they took her back to the nursery so I could regain my strength. After three days, they handed her to me and rolled me out the front door where my mother met me to take me back home.I wept for days. I didn’t make a conscious decision not to breast feed. They just handed me bottles with formula in them when.
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