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Hero’s dad comes back from the country a little early, and Philia, thinking it’s her general come to claim her, throws herself at him. (Both Hero and Philia—the characters, not necessarily the actors—are dumber than a can of Spam.) Pseudolus appears and explains to the old man that this young hottie is a new maid Hysterium has hired, and Senex, pleased with her work ethic, sings this song about how great it is to have a maid. Four verses, one not very interesting tune, and four dancing character guys: it’s actually better than it sounds, but it’s not like a little sex appeal can’t improve things. Anyway, costumes fits the three of us up in these slutty little French maid outfits, complete with the short skirts, poofy crinolines, white lace aprons and head thingies, and black fishnets, and Parker introduces us into the number one at a time to partner the guys. I’m blocked to come out last in this incredibly low-cut lace trimmed blouse, and I strike this pin-up pose: bent forward,. ”“Oh. Your eyes!”“Partly. It was more for me to own my identity.”“I hear you sis.”“What’s wrong with them,” Kijani asked.Lola exhaled. “That’s just Mimi and Tawny. They hateful. Mimi mad cause she had Daddy T and fucked up.”“Oh?”“Yeah. She was flirting with niggas. Let one fuck her too. He found out and put her ass out.”“Damn.”“It’s her own damn fault. She deserved that beating. Now she salty cause she got a cruel master.”RIght about then a b**stly motherfucker appeared. His muscles, barely contained the uniform, were well-defined. He towered over everyone. “Mimi,” barked the caramel-skinned behemoth. “You git dat green dot yet?”“It hasn’t come through,” the sepia toned fairy timidly replied.“You said by 2:00. They fuckin’ around witchu or what?”“If she said she’ll send it, she will. I promise.”“Aight, bitch! You betta hope she do. If not, you gon’ git pimped on da block.”“I promise, Jett.”“Let’s talk a walk. I need some pussy!” Mimi scurried away behind her owner and master. Jett.
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