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By junior year I had lost a fair amount of weight and developed some close friendships with a few girls that dated friends of mine. I think they saw through me and knew I needed help. Through them I gained confidence that I could converse in a sexual manner with women...even if they saw it as drunken banter. But for me it was invaluable practice. By the end of my junior year I had managed to secure a few dates. They weren't with the best looking girls but I thought that would work to my advantage. I was hoping for a girl with lower self esteem than I had. Turns out that girls that were more shy and awkward than me didn't present many opportunities for me to "cash the v card" as my frat boy friends would say. That's right...I was still a virgin by 20 years old. By the end of junior year I had my first kiss. It sucked and I found the girl to be repulsive albeit not bad looking. Beggars can be choosers I guess.Everything changed my senior year. I came back to school only slightly. In the weeks since I moved back home, mother had crossed paths with boys or men that she had been intimate with. How could she not - with even neighbours on both sides having been familiar with mother? Yet, and especially in those early days, I watched her closely every time it happened. Considering that we may have to move to escape her shame and the faces of men who knew and had used her at her lowest point in her life. She had proved that she could keep her head high and, either, ignore or deny the advances from those men and a few women. That was part of the reason no longer demanded we be together every minute of the day - she had earned a margin of my trust.Dad was different, or the exception if you will. He had been her male dominate role for half her life and she had learnt, that she had to do anything in her power to please the man in her life, to prove her love. So for nearly two decades of dominance by my father - she was powerless against that ingrained learning.When I.
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