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“Spin it, Sweetheart.”Annie spun the bag and Pete hefted it over one shoulder and dragged the unfortunate individual round the house to the side gate and around to the front of the building where the accumulated crowd of pressmen gathered on the pavement. He stood squarely with his imposing frame facing the throng.“This man is a trespasser and, as he has no receipts for any of the goods carried about his person, I can only check each item with each of the house’s occupiers and invited guests to ensure they have not been stolen from the residents and guests during the said trespass. I have therefore confiscated anything which might not belong to him, leaving him with what clearly can be assumed to be his only.” He paused to allow everyone to see that the photographer stood up shivering in his undergarments. “Once he is able to supply acceptable receipts for the goods carried, which have been stored in this bag,” he held up the black plastic bag, “He can claim them back from my legal. " The door to the out-house is opened and I am almost blinded by thelight. Then there is Joan staring down the toilet opening at me. Sheis clearly angry. "Why you miserable little bastard," she says. "You'll pay forthis! Well if you want to watch, so badly, fine, you can watch, andyou'll have plenty to watch! I have to pee anyway." I see Joan's familiar bare behind above me and a stream of urinehits me in the face. Then more toilet paper. Next comes Pam, who looks down at me with an amused smile beforesitting on the toilet and pooping all over me. It is a loose and noisybowel movement and I cringe in disgust as her smelly stuff lands on myhead and runs down my neck. Annie apparently decided to do her thing in the house becausenobody else appears. I am left for what seems like hours, lying inthis coffin thing swimming in urine and vile smelling excrement. Finally the out-house door opens again and there is Joan staringdown at me. "Well they've gone home. Are you.
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