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This loss, the slow grind of acceptance, is terrible. You fill my thoughts and my heart hurts. I wish for a different outcome. Crazy thoughts shoot through my head, bouncing off memories of you. What if I’d called sooner? I should have sent more little positive messages. I should have just asked permission to visit. If I had, you’d still be here, fighting. Then I wouldn’t have this huge ache inside. I recognize these thoughts as foolish, and I brush them aside. I focus on better, positive thoughts. On healthier imaginings. The other part of me is happy you no longer suffer. I couldn’t stand to hear you talk about the pain. It made me feel helpless, the simple words I had to offer seeming insignificant and paltry. The ache is eased simply knowing your pain is forever gone. I smile thinking of you reunited with your daughter. The daughter we all wanted, who left too soon. I can see you both, beautiful and happy, relaxing together in a warm, sun dappled meadow, finally at peace. I. . dump your coffee on the floor, and then use your sweater to clean it up?"Abbie looked at Jake, shrugged, and then poured her coffee on the floor. "Seems kind of a waste of time, coffee, and maybe even my sweater. But what the heck, I'll do it!" She unbuttoned her cardigan and then crawled on the floor to mop up the spilled coffee. "You know, no one has ever asked me do anything like this. It seems kind of pointless. Who would get pleasure out of asking something like this?"Jake said, "I don't know." He thought for a minute. Pleasure, he wondered. "So you'd feel better about saying 'yes' to people if you knew they'd get pleasure out of it?" Well sure," said Abbie, still mopping the floor. "I just want to help make people happy!" So what if I asked you to ..." he paused, and swallowed nervously. "To ... suck my dick, right here in the break room."Abbie looked up at him. Suddenly Jake regretted it. "Oh my god, Abbie. I'm so so sorry. That obviously crossed a line, seriously crossed a.
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