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It's not about attracting attention.My happiest moments during this transition have been when I've gone outand had no special attention paid to me. I was seen as just another womangoing about her business, and it was marvelous. That's one reason I'vepicked the wardrobe I have, so I dont get people staring at me.This isnt about making people feel sorry for me.Anyone who knows my story knows I've had a few bad things happen to me.But I know others with lives that make mine look like a walk through thepark. I've been pitied, while it can feel good to have someone empathizewith me, a person gets tired of being the object of pity pretty fast.I've thought more than once that I know people are judged by how theytreat "the least of these", but I would be just as happy if "the least ofthese" was somebody other than me. Frankly, I would like to be worth morethan just pity.This isnt about my rape, or "hating" being a guy.Look, my memory of those years is beyond hazy, but some things I. I roll over feeling my stomach growl and my mouth dry, in need of some water. I sit up and take my shirt off as it is wet with tears, and slip on a gray college sweatshirt with my faded jeans. I stop in the women's bathroom and brush my long hair up into a ponytail and wash my face before taking the elevator down two floors to the dining hall.When I step out of the elevator, I hear the clinking of plates and the muffled sounds of voices before I even enter the room. I see both patients and employees and I can feel their eyes on me as I take a tray and step in line. "How's it going? I'm Scott. I've been around here a while, I'd be honored to help you get adjusted, help you relax...." I hear a deep voice from behind me and I turn and see a young guy, maybe 24yrs old, not too tall, short buzz cut hair, tattoos on his neck, and a dark, burnt-out look to his intense eyes. I'm anxious, he looks like a criminal, I smile nervously saying "hi" and turn away hesitantly. I feel him lean in.
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