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."Here," I say, "there's one more thing you need to see."And I hand her the pack of pictures."Oh, okay, thank you," she says as she takes them from me and startsgoing through them.There are only maybe a dozen or so, but they cover several years...of medressing, and all rather involved. I had lots more, but fear of thembeing found, and misunderstood - which of course, is often more possiblethan not - encouraged me to save what I thought were the most'flattering' poses and destroy the rest. I took them myself with no onearound, using the camera's timer or a mirror reflection or just holdingit at arm's length. And it's amazing if you take enough pictures, atenough angles, with enough dressing preparation, you can actuallysuggest far more than is ever there - and let your imagination takeover. At least that's what I've told myself.Yet, I still feel she can, now that she's actually seeing me dressed, soeasily reject them, reject me. That fear that if I were ever found out,it would end. I hug my panda teddy tighter and try to ignorethe intimidating shadows that drape my room,my room?Mine yet not mine,my sanctuary, but constantly intruded,a prison with no bars but of my own construct.Only while the world sleeps can I be free,Hmm, a full moon tonight.Its slivery glow lightens my heavy soul,Its strength holds the whole world in its sway,Its light holds my whole world in its sway.Its light a gentle reflection of the sun.The fading of the night heraldsthe fading of my consciousness.The heat of noon sears me backas I grasp desperately to my fading dreams,my dreams in which I am whole and centred,amongst the confusing world of dreamin which the only constant is your own presence.The presence of the sun is my bane,too light, too bright, too harsh,its touch is a burn to nape of my neck.I walk in the light with my eyes closed,I walk in the shadows with my eyes jaded,my face a mask when sighted by another,in truth more masks than I know.My whole life is a maskas jaded as the.
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