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I should have.....stopped", she said between sobs."I was so sad and lonely..... it felt so nice....you holding me,......looking at me. Honey I haven't had anyone look at me like that........ in a long time. It made me feel...... good and needed.......wanted !, she said still sobbing. I was getting frustrated with her taking the "blame" and talking to me like a stupid kid that didn't know what he was doing or one who couldn't control himself. With me in the shower and not facing her I felt brave in speaking out . "Mom, I knew what I was doing OK !. I think your a pretty, sexy woman. I wanted to hold you, to feel you, to...........I mean who the hell wouldn't want you. I'M NOT SORRY AND I'D DO IT AGAIN !. I stood there thinking, "OH SHIT", seems I can't control my dam mouth. It was dead quiet except for the water running, I continued to stand there thinking, "I'm Toast". Thinking I really "did it now" I began to soap up and finish then I would deal with the aftermath when I was done. Can you imagine having a brand new co-wife and having to sentence her son to death? He'd recently done the same with the men at that camp but they weren't family. Kyle was one of the few enhanced, he was Grace's son and Burt's daughter was pregnant with his child. Like I said, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.I was able to separate the two parts of my life a lot easier than I'd anticipated. At one moment I was a junior member of the family, the next I was a soldier on a special assignment. It was like Burt threw a switch. I could look at my actions, feelings and emotions as a family member but that part of me was completely compartmentalized and had no effect on my current activities. Instead of being Burt, my husband, the man who gave me my orders was the Senior.I took the time to read the order I was to deliver once I got out to the barn. It was basically what the Senior had already told me. I rolled up the order and put it away, saddled up a fresh horse, filled my quiver with.
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