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It was basically my decision, which Dave was happy to support as he made clear to me that he didn’t want to carry on with our new lifestyle if I had any doubts. (He also made clear that he found watching me with other guys incredibly erotic, but that was as nothing compared to the importance of our love and marriage. Sweet man! Always knowing the right thing to say.) For me, the sex with Daryl had been amazing, both because it was new and different and because of Daryl’s talents as a lover. But I found the idea of Dave with other women difficult and was also worried that our new open lifestyle might, in the end, harm our marriage, just as it had done to our friends Charlotte and Callan.Once we’d reached this decision, the talking stopped and the rest of Saturday was a wonderful time of love-making and enjoying being together as a couple. Having come to this decision, I felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders. Before the decision, I’d felt torn and conflicted. I. I said former friend, and I mean that. You told me that he is a friend still, but no friend I can imagine, even in my nightmares, could do what he has done and still remain a friend. I regret every kindness I ever showed him when his wife left him. In payment, he is ripping my heart out. You may tell him that, word for word. I can’t do this anymore. What started out as an experiment, a chance to try something new, has turned into something horrible, at least for me. For you, well, you say that you are getting what you want and need. You have had more orgasms and sex in the last few weeks than in our entire married lives, you are being fulfilled. You are enjoying the attentions of men I can never hope to match. I am being destroyed. I am getting pain and humiliation. You led me to believe that I might be getting some of my own grand sexual adventures yesterday, but you deceived me, didn’t you? You knew that instead, I would be getting more pain and humiliation, and no sexual release.
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