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Now go sit down David and try hard not to let anyone see the crap you just pulled." I was mortified and headed straight for the door hoping to find some corner where no one would see me. My worst fears had come true, my fantasy shattered. I stayed away from her the rest of the night and hitched a ride home with my cousin Gary. I lay in bed that night lost in thought. I would imagine her feel, her perfume and silky legs. Then suddenly she'd turn into my patronizing bitch of a mother and scold me. Damn it, it made me furious. I was 18 and she treated me like I was 8. Somehow, some way I needed to get back at her and regain my self-respect. I also knew the time had come; I needed to fuck her and put her in her place.***I woke up early that Sunday morning and went straight for the computer across from my bed. I entered my favorite chat room to see if "Cman" my cyber buddy was on. "Cman" was a 26-year-old Hollywood Cameraman that specialized in filming and editing. We often hit on the. Would he have ever told me of his past if Brenson had not come? Or would he have hidden it for the rest of his days in an attempt to shield me from the horrors of his past. It is difficult to tell, but I am sure that if he were here, he would be traveling along with us to end this once and for all. I wondered what kind of relationship we would have had.As my thoughts continued to drift along a stream of what could have been, Violet came to mind. Perhaps if things had been different, she would have had a happier life and maybe she would not have turned out as she did. Looking back I could see some of the selfish tendencies that I missed before. We would have at least been friends, but who knows how things would have turned out between us.Celka was the last person who my mind turned to. I found myself wishing that her life had not been snuffed out as it had been. She deserved better than that and I hoped that our visit to her home would ensure her spirit found peace. I had not realized.
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