Bargaining With Randi Part 3

She never did talk to me about it.A few years passed without the feeling. By then I had come out to my mom and told her everything she already knew. And that leads us to one and a half years later my back ridged, my eyes opened wide, and my mouth unable to form the right words. The interesting thing was it only took two little words this time, just two."Don't you need some new underwear?" She asked me. These are not the "two little words," you'll read them soon enough. "How much do you have left on your gift cards you got for Christmas?" Not enough to buy anything. I only have like, twelve dollars on my American eagle card." Then I'll help you out with my PayPal. Go look at some boxers," she stood behind my computer chair as she waited."I don't like wearing boxers anymore," she questioned me about it. "I like girls' underwear better." It's nice being able to talk openly like this to my mom. It was uncomfortable at first but I have gotten used to it by now. But the next words she said. We did love him and in his way, his very own way, we think he loved us. We knew, somehow, he loved Mom and died, slowly, without her. He loved us but we were not Mom.We had a milk cow and from age six I milked. The milk probably saved our lives. When Bessie died we were thirteen. I walked ten miles to the Aaronson farm and in the dark of the night stole one of their hundreds of milk cows. We named her Bessie — we thought all milk cows were named Bessie."Cindy! Don't ever; don't ever let Bessie out in the daytime." I thought all cows looked the same but I didn't know. Cindy didn't either.We were clean. Some memory when we were young and Dad had fewer bottles: fill the washtub with hot water from the wood stove, temper — yes I knew that word and many others — the hot water with cold water from the pump. Take the bath together, Cindy and I. Eight, we were just kids. Twelve, we were boy and girl... but still just kids.Sixteen, the year Dad left forever — though it was two years before.
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