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And I weep, I cry with joy at being innocent again, at being whole again, I sob heavily as I realize that it was all just a bad dream and my reality, my true life is here in his arms, serving him, loving him, not the banal responsibility of working, studying, and keeping a house for the man who should be caring for me and his son. There is nothing sexual about this vision, this dream of happiness. It is very sensual, and incredibly loving, but his only thought is to chase away my troubles and drive back my fears, not sex. Just as I see myself sobbing and howling away the pain of life in these visions that Payne brings me, I find my own face wet. This is when I waken, leaving the half-dream that had brought those precious moments of peace behind, and now I am free to shed my own tears. I can wail and sob and cry – I can howl and lament to my hearts content. I have a reason – Payne has shown me what my soul aches for yet again, and once more reality reminds me of how far away these. There was a feeling of mutual satisfaction I could sense it. Mine from the feeling of his body pressed tightly to me like this, his hands at my face keeping the seal tight so I was sure to get the full hit. And all the while he knew what I became once this kicked in. Whore weed. That's what we called it. I'd say, 'this is my last hit'..and he'd smirk and bring his mouth back to mine to blow yet another into my body. He wasn't taking no for an answer and I needed to know that. Just as we opened the door and the smoke billowed out he took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He'd told me to get undressed and wait for him. Still at the awkward stage in the game I hesitated but he'd poked his head back in just long enough...'now'. My hesitation resinated, but just moments went by and I realized I was now in my bra and panties, standing in the middle of his bedroom. He slipped right past me from behind with his hands behind his back. 'Present time kitten', his voice deep and.
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