In Bathroom
Looking at my Instagram stories, I knew that Chelsea, my veritable Barbie doll of a former coworker at a beachfront resort on the Oregon Coast, was also in town. Before moving to the beach, she started her hospitality career at Leavenworth’s Bavarian Ritz Hotel and liked to visit each year for the fest.I wandered west on Front Street, half-full stein in hand, enjoying the sunset behind the mountains west of town and keeping an eye out for her. Halfway down the drag, a twenty-foot alley opened through the throng of drinkers. And at the end of it, there she stood in all her glory.Chelsea looked like she had stepped right off of the label on a bottle of St. Pauli Girl lager and into every man’s Germanic wet dream, clad in her minidress dirndl costume. A full head of platinum blonde hair cascaded down past her shoulders, tan and naked above the off-the-shoulder neckline. A set of perky, C-cup breasts in a push-up bra filled out the faux white blouse top of her minidress. They rested atop. ”These are compliments of Smokey JoeRastus and Liza where were making love on railway tracks. The driver of an oncoming train sounded his horn and applied the brakes and the train stopped bare inches from the couple. When asked why they hadn’t moved, Rastus replied, “Well, the train was comin’, and Liza was comin’, and I was comin’ ... and the train was the only one with brakes.”The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. “Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?” The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to.
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