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From that day on we did it almost every day. Eventually, the other guys picked up on it and they gave me the same blue balls story. Being that I liked doing it and they liked getting them I saw no wrong. It continued on all through high school and wasn’t limited to afternoons at the lake. Sometimes it was during school or just random. I would get a call at home from a guy saying he needed my “help” which by that time we all knew meant he wanted a blowjob.”“My god you were such a slut. I never knew”“I didn’t see it that way and I was not a slut! We were just kids doing what we wanted and what we enjoyed. It was pretty much the same in college except it was mostly on dates. If a guy took the time to take me out for a dinner or movie I didn’t feel I should send him home all hard with no relief. If I was at a party then by the end of the night the guys that were not with someone else would approach me and we would find a room. They got what they wanted and I had companionship. I still. My mom had died a few months ago, but she'd moved down South a couple of years before. And though I loved her, our relationship was never easy. One visit a year was my limit and when it was over, I generally vowed never to go back.So Caleb was it for me. He was my family. He lived about ten hours away by car, but we talked every day on the phone. We managed to see each other every two or three months for a long weekend where we didn't really do anything but watch a lot of movies and enjoy hanging out together. Even though we were just friends, he was still the most important person in my life. I couldn't think about losing Caleb and I didn't think I could bear to hear Evan tell me I'd never see or talk to him again, so I crossed that question off my list.Dr. Cummings found me there, making my list of questions and pondering the view from my window. He pulled up a chair next to me and propped his feet up on the deep windowsill.I gave him a small, wry smile and gestured to the gardens,.
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