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I looked to the bed where Tilda slept, covered to her chin in thick blankets. She looked so young and so peaceful. I wonder what will happen to her when I’m gone…. I stopped the thoughts before they could continue. Stop thinking like that, I scolded myself. I shivered under the blanket, and it wasn’t from the cold. I thought about the cold reality of Alex’s words. Witches were still being burned at the stake at this time in history, I knew. And if Alex had as much power over the Laird as he thought he did, then I was going to burn. I pulled the blankets tighter against me, and stood. I walked out of the chamber, being careful to quietly close the door behind me. Tilda should get all the sleep she could. Walking down the steps quickly, I stopped when I saw all the sleeping soldiers. They were snoring loudly and grumbling. I walked to the front door and opened it. Stepping outside, I forgot all about closing the door. I wanted to see the sun rise. It may be my last, I thought. The eight of cups. Retreat from emotional involvement. I don’t know if I would call it a retreat. More like a headlong run. I can’t connect anymore. People don’t make sense to me. All I know is that loving them can wound me, so it’s better to run. I think I loved Carl. That’s why I drove him away. Better to be the hated ex, the girl who cheated with his best friend, than the girl he fell in and then out of love with. I didn’t want to give him a piece of my heart to take away with him when we separated. Changes happen. People go their separate ways. Should I allow my body and spirit to go their separate ways? The body goes into the oven of course, no burial for me. Why make my relatives pay for a two thousand dollar box for worm fodder? I’d want my ashes to be scattered somewhere nice though. A river. Some place where the air is sweet and you can’t see any buildings through the trees. I want someone to pour a bottle of wine into the water, too, a final send-off as the last earthly.
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