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Sometimes I couldn’t believe what I had agreed to do, other times it seemed the only logical solution to our problems. Sometimes I couldn’t bear even to contemplate having sex with another man, other times I became excited at the prospect of feeling sexy and desirable after so many years with only one lover, and then felt ashamed of myself for feeling that way. As the week progressed my emotions swung wildly from exhilaration and excitement to shame and disgust but I hung on to the notion that, if we were ever to get out of our terrible financial situation, I just had to bite the bullet and do it! By the time Friday finally came I was literally trembling with fear and unbearable anticipation. I kissed my husband goodbye early that morning before the taxi whisked him off to the airport for his flight to Boston and the conveniently arranged US trip. An hour or so later, another taxi arrived to take me to a different airport where Andy was waiting discreetly for me in a coffee shop. The. ”“How many times was it on this trip, then?”I eyed her, grinning a little. “I have no idea, honestly. These last few nights have been a blur.”Lara shook her head with a bit of wonder. “It’s like all or nothing for you.”“Yeah, pretty much ... Don’t laugh, but I’ve decided that in another life I was a barnacle, right at the high tide line.”She gave me a very dubious look. “A barnacle ... And why in hell would you think that?”“Because like you said, all or nothing! You know, you could make a song out of that idea.”Lara grimaced. “I think I’ll let you write that one.”“Nah, you should. I only want twenty-five percent of the royalties, for the brilliant idea.”She patted my chest. “You seriously need more sleep, Barnacle Man.”I sighed. “Yeah, three days’ worth, but sadly I have this essay.”“Then get to work!” she chided.On Tuesday, Tommy and I settled into our usual study hall spot. I was feeling a little more alive, having gotten another good night’s sleep. Still, I slumped heavily into my.
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