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I smoked. "I don't want to wait two months to see you," she confessed. I told her it would go quickly but I had to go. She asked if there wassomeone else. I told her I had a girlfriend. "I want to get another tattoo for you," she said solemnly. "I want youto get one for me, too."A tattoo was out the question. It should have been out of the question. But it was tiny, beautiful,hidden.We said goodbye.Two days later I reverted.***Back in my apartment, I started to get things in order but I still feltso detached. I called my boss and managed to plead my way back intowork. As a magazine journalist, my profession was full of free spirits,drunken bingers, long exploratory trips. I started to put away mybags, waiting, trying to decide how I would deal with my girlfriend. Ichecked the locks again and I put the suitcases up on the bed and openedthem. I put the camera with the pictures and some of the videotapes into mystrongbox. There were too many to fit them so put some. I pulled the cork out with my teeth and spat it out before taking a swig. It was some kind of whiskey. Smooth. Gretchen was going to be pissed.I sat down and took a deep drink. These last few days had been so confusing. It had to be because I was out of my element. In a strange place. I shouldn't be having all these feelings. That wasn't me, wasn't the hog-riding Hawk with an attitude. That thought reminded me painfully why I was here, though. I had been an idiot to even shelter the notion that Ted and Lisa would want a third wheel in their relationship, much less a fourth one. Normal people wanted a husband or wife and a family, not someone hanging on from the outside. I was a threat to Lisa, and she'd had to make a choice. Not that I could blame her.Taking another deep swallow, I felt the warmth inside start to push the chill out of my body. It wasn't so cold out here after all. I leaned my head back and looked at what stars I could see through the light pollution of Boston. It was.
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