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”“I’m sorry, Tony...”“No. Don’t go there. Look.”Kate stared at the painting. She looked at it from different angles—from near and far. She walked around it like an art critic. I turned my back so I didn’t have to watch her looking into what I felt. My shame.“You understand,” she whispered. I felt her hand on my shoulder and turned to face her tear-streaked face. I sank to my knees.“I’m sorry, Kate. I’m so sorry. I hope one day you will forgive me.”“You need to hear the rest of the story,” she said. She pulled me up and led me to the chair and sat in my lap. “I was struggling. Doc was pushing me in new directions. The shows were a disappointment and I hated everything I’d done. That spilled over on you and Melody and Lissa and even Wendy. I felt like I could do a better job alone than with all the so-called help I was getting. I became angry.”It sounded so much like what I’d been feeling.“When I saw the painting you did, I was so shocked that it knocked me over the edge. Neil’s. The next few days were a mixture of confusing feelings. I would think of Jamike, how she had made me feel, and then the image of an erect penis would spring up in my mind. I still liked her, but she wasn’t a her. Or was she? I knew I wasn't gay, but I was still attracted to her. I missed her.By the end of the week, I had decided I needed to speak to her again. I waited until about 7:30 on Friday evening, and then stopped by her house. She almost shut the door in my face, but let me in when I told her of my confusion.Jamike told me about herself. She was not a man, nor the recipient of a sex change. She had been born with both male and female sexual organs. Despite the insistence of the doctors, her family had refused surgery and had raised her as a girl. Between private schools and home schooling, she had been protected from inquisitive friends and family.When she was finished, Jamike simply sighed with reluctance and stated, "That's me." Although troubled, I had not seen her so.
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