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She knew that if she would step into the well of those revolving doors now and walk out into the rain, she would kill herself. Not in the spectacular sense of heroic suicide. Just in the smothering, anonymous sense of giving up the last remnants of a life that ought to be hers. She would kill herself in the cowardly sense of letting her life slide slowly and definitely out of her hands.The pale woman waiting for her upstairs might ridicule her, even humiliate her. She and the perfect African model friends that were with her at the restaurant might point at her shabby appearance when she showed up. They might double up with laughter. But that would not be the real humiliation, would it? The real humiliation, the definite one, would be her leaving now, without even trying.Leave now, she said to herself, and you'll never be able to look at yourself again.A tear formed in the corner of an eye. Then it rolled down her cheek. Not able to move a muscle she stood there. She looked into the. I rub my eyes not being fully awake yet. "HeyMax you want me to get my skateboard and show you that I can do a 360without falling off?" Max looks down at me wearing the little yellowdress, white Mary Jane shoes with tiny lace ankle socks cuffed barelycovering my ankles. I am more dressed in the style for a baby girl ormaybe a little toddler girl."My mommy and little sister were right the way you always play with yourlong hair like you're doing now." I stop twisting my hair around myfinger while we are talking. "They said you are just a little tomboytrying to play with the big boys."I am in shock hearing Max calling me a tomboy whatever that is untilmommy gets involved. "Now, now, Max, that is not a very nice thing tosay. Now Max does Kellie look like a tomboy to you this very second?" Ihear mommy saying."Umm no ma'am SHE doesn't look like a tomboy at all anymore. I am sorry Icalled HER a tomboy. Kellie I am sorry I called you a tomboy, and yes Iwant to see you do a 360, but if I.
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