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And was very stylishly dressed when she arrived… and hell those shoes she had on must have cost more than everything i arrived wearing put together… has gone from sobbing to sobbing and mumbling words i can not understand… words i am not really interested in hearing… her long… artificially blond hair is in rats tails and her mascara which was obviously not as waterproof as the packaging implied is more than half way down her face and the black smears on the backs of her hands match the similarly sized smears heading from her eyes and into her hair line above her ears and all the while i am talking i am taking in her image… seeing the tears and almost enjoying her sobs and watching her pert little breasts bounce and i am trying to understand her words… trying to catch the hook in that short sentence she keeps repeating over and over and over and eventually… just as i am getting a little tired with this whole scenario… beginning to feel the need for a change… she manages to get it out. "I'm a bit lost and the GPS in my phone says I'm in Spain. But if you could just point..." Yep, I took about a thousand foot leap toward the wrong conclusion, there. "Oh," I said shyly. "Sorry. I'd be glad to show you the way out of the woods." He smiled and seemed relieved. "Great!" he said. He stepped closer and I could smell him. "Do elves have names? Mine is Steve." "Of course we have names," I said. "We're not savages; we're more cultured and refined than you humans are." That was another thing that really got on my tit: humans putting elves down just because we lived in the woods. I lived in a castle, for fuck's sake. I had a cell phone! I went shopping! "No offence," he said. Now I felt bad about treating him so badly and decided I should make an attempt to be friendly. Who knew, he might go back and get a gang to come out and attack us or something. He seemed okay, too, apart from being human. "You can call me Aggie," I said. "Owe!" I suddenly got a sharp pain in my butt. I.
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