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There was something about sittingat the kitchen table with Beth and her mother that stirred thingsup inside me. The emotionless void that I had been living inbegan to crumble and as I ate I felt the pain and griefreturning. I think it was being in a family setting again. SeeingBeth interact with her mother reminded me of my loss and I couldbarely contain myself. Rose noticed this and gently suggestedthat Beth help me to my room with my things.Upstairs, I sat on my bed and raised my hand to my eyes. "YouOK?" Beth asked gently as she sat beside me. I nodded then shookmy head, "I don't know, Beth." I swallowed hard as a tear escapedmy defences. She took me into her arms and held me close. "Shh,"she whispered, "It will be OK. Don't hold back." I didn't. Aftera good cry, I really did feel better. Beth told me that Jools hadbeen increasingly worried about me over the previous week. I hadseemed flat and cold and she was worried that I was not dealingwith things. She was right. I did not. I spanked you before for sloppy lack of focus when talking with strange men online. Remember the man who wanted to see you tits and you wrote in your blog that he wanted to come on your tits?’ i answered yes. ‘And remember I spanked you then for not paying attention. I know see that you were also engaged in wishful thinking, that you wanted him to spew his jizz on you, that you were trying to steer the conversation that way to get what you wanted rather that focus solely on what the man wants.’ i marveled at Master’s superior brain. Once He explained it, it was obvious that that is exactly what i had done. i was too stupid to see that. Master understood immediately, without a word from me and said, ‘Of course you didn’t know that’s what you were doing, your little whore brain can’t handle big-word concepts like subconscious desire, that’s why you need a master and it’s why you must always be focused on you only purpose in life — being available to me, and anyone i chose to share you.
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