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His eyes, pale and blue, exuded a warmth and opennessthat welcomed me."I had never felt so wanted, so needed by another individual in my life,"I wrote in my diary. (Yes, I was keeping a diary, an old-fashioned onein which I painstakingly wrote in a pretty blue ink my thoughts each day.I loved doing it and felt like Jo March in "Little Women," who so lovedto write. It was something I had begun doing at about age 10, when Ifirst began dreaming about being a girl. I had found a diary for theyear 1988 at a sale for 50 cents in the month of February and bought itfor some unknown reason. It was a little girl's diary with a pink coverand each page had a picture of a little girl, wearing pastel coloredoutfits, dancing or carrying flowers or doing something very dainty andgirl-like. And, best of all, it had a lock on it. In it, I could writemy sweetest dreams about being Katie, a dainty, very feminine littlegirl.)I had to get this young man out of my mind, and that meant I had to. Are those children I hear crying in the background? Have you gone off track again?’ ‘Sorry, hon, gotta go. I think my exit is coming up.’ I shut down the phone and argued with myself on whether this was the exit for the Siamese rescue center. It was, but I hadn’t decided that in time, and now I’d have to go to the next exit and turn back. And I was already running late for getting to that interview. Darn! It was great that Helen had gotten me this interview. She’d always been the steady one. We’d been inseparable through seminary, where we were both preparing to be ministers of education, but then Helen had sailed steadily toward the harbor, and I’d had to row double time just to stay on the surface of the water. ‘You’ll never make it anywhere, if you don’t apply yourself and find good jobs in churches,’ Helen had constantly said. And she was right, I hadn’t gone anywhere. Helen had moved up quickly in her jobs—saved souls and gathered accolades. She even drove a nice big black.
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