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"I didn't want to see anyone right now, not even my best friend. After what Coral did I didn't want to be ALIVE.*Knock-Knock-Knock.* "Jim, I know you're in there. I can see the light under the door!"I continued to pretend I wasn't home.*Knock-Knock-Knock.* "Damnit Jim! I'm your best friend for Christ's sake! I know you are feeling down but you've missed three days of work! Your boss called me and said if you aren't in by this Friday you're fired! Open the fucking door!" Go away, Tom!" I finally called back.*Pound-Pound-Pound!* "Jim Smith: so-help-me-God if you don't open this mother-fucking God-Damned door right the fuck now I am going to break the fucking thing down: do you understand me?!?!?"Tom is my best friend, but he can be a real asshole some times, even if his heart is always in the right place. "FINE! Don't do anything we'd have to explain too the cops! I'll open the door, but I'm in a really foul mood, so don't expect this to be a fun visit!" I went over and opened the door,. Stupid me didn't look at closely until the afternoon of the party so although I knew I was going as one of Santa's helpers I had only quickly looked in the bag. Luckily I was last to leave that day so I'm in the men's room putting on the costume. So far so good, white t-shirt OK; long, red, sleeveless vest that at least covered my butt Ok as well. Then the shock I checked what was left in the bag against the invoice and there was supposed to be a pair of green elastic waist pants but instead there was only a pair of green tights.There are a whole host of reasons I would not wear the tights but number one would have to be that I was meeting all of my girlfriend's family and first impressions count and I didn't want that clouded by the image of a man in tights.I rang my girlfriend and she laughed and made jokes while at the same time giving me instructions on how to put them on as I was usually pulling them off her. Again with the laughter. I cut her off and took a deep breath and.
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