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I had lost a couple pounds and was feeling really good. More importantly, Mom had shed about ten and was looking great. I think Dad was beginning to notice. I had gone out on a couple of group dates with Joann, her latest boyfriend and about five others. But I made no commitments to anyone. I used the excuse that my parents wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen. I did have a couple of boy "friends" who used to call me at night. We would talk about school, other kids, who was dating who, but nothing serious. I was concentrating on my grades. I was the most improved student in the ninth grade. All my teachers said so. When report cards came out for the third marking period I had four A's and two B's. I had to get my grades up if I ever wanted to get to college. I needed to qualify for scholarships and financial aid if I wanted to go.One week end, I helped Mom bring down the laundry into the basement. That's where the washing machine and dryer were. I had never really looked in the. I reasoned that, if I were a girl, I would want to do this for men. And extrapolating from that notion, I began wondering why I had been born male. Why hadn't I been born a girl - so I could demonstrate to my gender how to REALLY be a girl? I began to pray - not to god, because I knew that he would condemn me for it - but to his opposite, Satan. I got down on my knees, totally naked, an erect penis, and prayed as hard as I ever prayed to Satan to transform me into a woman. In return I promised Him that I would serve Him faithfully as long as I lived, and labor for Him in the brothels of Hell for eternity. And I meant everything I said. Then I masturbated to completion. After I came, I felt silly, and brushed it off as a sexual fantasy.So, whether I was BORN "that way," or became that way as a result of my pact with Satan, I gradually found myself gravitating toward homosexual thoughts, and a few days later, I experimented with cross dressing for the first time. Again, I was home.
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