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There is much, much yet for you to learn. You are still far too proud. But this punishment softens you, it takes you places you never thought you'd go. It takes you beyond yourself. Once there your true self can begin to emerge. Do you understand?" "Yes, master," I said quickly and with a trace of awe. The frightening thing was that I _did_ understand. I understood it so clearly that it scared me. Because the captain was correct: I needed harsh discipline. I needed to be spanked. I was proud and willful and all of my bravado was nothing but words in the wind. I acted rebellious and heroic because that was the way I thought I was supposed to act. Inside I knew that it was just an act. It was nothing I believed in. In fact, I suddenly realized, I had not worn the sheet because I was shy or attempting to protect my innocence--I had worn it because I had been afraid to be myself! The real me had thrilled at the idea of walking naked from my cabin to the galley with dozens of men. Undercurrents flowed through my brain. This was, like the restaurant, quite romantic. We sat mostly side-ways so it would be easier to see each other as we talked. The waiter brought our drinks and we spent several minutes just watching the gas logs. Christina was the first to speak. She softly told me, ‘thank you’. I reassured her that it was my job to come help, if it was needed. ‘No’, she said. ‘ I mean thanks for everything else’. She could see the look of confusion on my face. Christina told me how much she appreciated that in all the years since we met, I had never once tried to delve into her past or life. She took a long, deep breath and said, ‘ I think it is time you got some explanation about myself’. I started to open my mouth but she held a finger to her lips to shush me. I was instantly on edge. I was about to hear her story. What made Christina the person she has become? Why everyone knew so little of her life. She told me that since early childhood her beauty had.
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