Santa Bai – Episode 1
"Blasted stuff, it tastes vile." But he did look long and hard at me. His manservant came out to refill his mug and offered me one. I accepted it politely. It did smell vile."Here I thought that that beast that you carry was just for show. No one but a barbarian carries a blade that long. They're too hard to use." It did take me years to master, Richard. I'm also taller, stronger and faster than anyone that I've met here." As for the assassin, well I returned her to her temple. She was a priestess of Bane."It took Richard a minute to catch what I just implied. "Was? Elizabit said that she was alive when you left." She was, the High Priestess left me no choice in the matter." Bane, you say. Ugly business dealing with them." Richard interrupted."We did have a productive talk though. I convinced her that it was in their best interest to leave us be." Eh? How did you get them to agree to that?" Simple. I just took out a contract on myself for them to kill me when I turn ninety." I sat. .? I love trees too. What the hell does that have to do with anything?"I can tell he thinks I am crazy now. His eyes are wide and his face shaking in disbelief."I am sexually aroused by trees," I mumble while sobbing uncontrollably. "That is why I am so happy walking the parks with you."What seems like an eternity of silence follows."You... want to fuck trees?" he finally asks."No, Edward! I do not want to fuck trees!" I scream. "They just arouse me. I don't really know why. Their trunks remind me of your penis and your penis reminds me of their trunks. And I like tall trees and skinny trees and short trees, but especially trees with thick trunks. Those especially excite me I get excited to the point of orgasm just walking among them. I am a dendrophiliac, OK. Google it!"And with that outburst I break away, climb back into the car and speed off, leaving him dumbfounded.~~August 4, 2019 (continued)I am beyond shocked by his words. And really can't speak. "Now, I want to try.
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