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I don't think she even thinks about me any longer. I used to be the most important thing in her life. Do you know that she asked me to wear women's silky tap pants when we had sex?" Really!" Beth laughed slightly."She said it turned her on to me even more." I can understand that. I love wearing silk and satin things as you can see," she displayed her lovely dress for him to view. "I think you doing it would be a giant turn on for me too."Rick looked at her in a strange way."Will you allow me to finish what I have to say. Keep any comments you want to say until I am done?" Fire away," he reached into the refrigerator for a Dr. Pepper."As I was saying, for five long years I've been lonely. I miss Philip. I really loved him. Now every man that approaches me I get the feeling that he's after my money. I can't trust any man's motives but yours."Rick, I've fallen in love with you. Big time. I haven't had sex with anyone since that night. Oh, I've got a variety of vibrators to take the edge. I don’t like who I am. I like being ‘Doctor Jessica’. I hate being Jessica.”“Because of things that happened to you from the time you were little? You know what I went through. And what Kara went through. I think you need to get over hating yourself for things that were beyond your control, as well as things you did. It’s not healthy, Jess. You’re heading for a breakdown worse than the one that sent you to Maine.”“I have it under control.”I shook my head, “No you don’t. That’s an illusion. You’re lying to yourself. Cutting yourself off from all emotional contact is unhealthy. It’s self-destructive.”“What about Michelle? She did that!”“Yes, and how many people are truly called to be monks or nuns? And even then, she had close contact with the other nuns. She wasn’t a hermit out in the woods somewhere. And I think you know better.”“Do I?”I smiled, “Jorge. He proves my point. You ached for an emotional connection, and for whatever reason, substituted him for us. Maybe you felt it was.
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