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My feelings for him were so dominating my thinking that I hadn’t considered what it was I actually wanted to talk to him about. I reached for the gate on the white picket fence, then turned away at the last second quickly walking up the block to the bodega. I was suddenly so nervous - what was I going to do? What if he wanted to do things that I didn’t want to do yet? What if he didn’t? I wandered the narrow isles of the bodega for a few minutes fretting over just about everything that was (or wasn’t) going to happen. Passing by the small display of condoms at the end of one of the isles just added fuel to the nervous fire burning in my belly and head - what if he just expected me to have sex with him? To know what I was doing? What if he didn’t? What did I want? What did I expect? I was so confused, not having the answers to any of these questions. As I left the Bodega and began to walk back towards Matt’s place I reconsidered what I was doing and decided that showing up on Matt’s. "Yes." I saw her lips move."We'll stop and buy some white wine." Yes." We'll go back to my place and drink it out of water glasses." Yes." It will go down smoothly." Smoothly?" Yes, smoothly." Go back to the kissing part." Kiss her buddy, for God's sake, kiss her!" The voice came from nearby but I didn't look to see who had said it."Shall we leave these people?" Yes." You don't have a television?" Lacy asked glass in hand. She walked from room to room, admired my desk and new chair in the living room. I turned on my new desk lamp so she could see how smooth and shiny the top had turned out. She peeked into Laura's room and took notice that the mattress had been stripped of the bed sheets. She stuck her head in the bathroom and then went into the second bedroom, which had become my sleeping quarters when Laura was not there."Is it okay? The wine I mean?" I had dashed into the liquor store just as it was closing and paid very little attention to selecting the two bottles of white.
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