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Thinking of her teenage years made her feel bad. She was partly ashamed of how prudish she had been, but also ashamed of how Tom made her show of her body nowadays. She remembered how guilty she felt when she discovered masturbation. How she had traveled to a different city to go confess because she did not want the priest in their town to know. Julie remembered how bad and helpless she had felt when she slowly got more and more addicted to fingering herself. She recalled the endless hand washing to get the smell of her fingers, and the sense that everyone could look into her head and see her dirty thoughts. In retrospect, her relation with Tom, or at least their sex life, had evolved around a similar pattern. When they met she had been a virgin, and a highly skilled masturbationist. She had fallen for him like a Hollywood cliche. The first time she saw him, Julie decided she would do whatever it took to make Tom hers. Little did she know what that would mean. It was clear to her. "That's rather the point." He hates you, you know." Tom looked concerned. "He'll be out tohumiliate you." Well - I'm not in the mood to be humiliated," I said, with moreconfidence than I felt. Tom gave me a look which might have signifiedconcern. In fact, I wasn't worried about violence. George, like manybullies was essentially a coward, and physical confrontation was not hisstyle. He liked to wound with words, and he had a talent for raisingthe rabble. He was clever and slippery and had a way of shifting theargument which left you feeling confused and embarrassed."You'll need to be quick on your feet. I'm sure he's got his attackplanned out." Tom paused for a moment. "Good luck. A lot of us willbe behind you..."It occurred to me that Caroline had probably spread the word aboutAvanti and I, which explained why the bar was even more crowded thanusual. In answer to my question, Tom confirmed that this was so. Iwasn't sure whether to be pleased at the support she'd drummed.
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