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I woke up after almost six hours, it was about ten pm. Couldn't remember what woke me up, but I thought it must have been some dream. I sat up on the couch in the darkness. The incidents on the balcony came back to me in a flash. Had it really happened? Or was all a dream, I wondered. I noticed I was still naked. So I had really done it. What was wrong with me? Why did I like to be seen naked? That's when my mind came up with some justification. It wasn't just about getting off. And it wasn't at all about exposing my naked body to people. It was about the risk of being seen naked and getting caught and the rush arising from it, especially from not wanting to be seen. I am a regular swimmer. And I love rock-climbing and biking. Wanting to be naked and then getting caught by the people was like a thrilling adventure to me. That justification I had was so exhilarating that I started laughing like a crazy person. The feeling of "what's wrong with me?" was gone. And I was filled with. I spent the first two nights with my parents, and with Gerta and Hans. I went over to the house on Christmas morning, but somehow ended up spending three nights at home with my children.Shirley surprised me on Christmas morning by bringing our children over and leaving them at the house for the whole time I was there. I saw her only when she came to drop them off. We were polite to each other, but remained somewhat strained with each other. She was obviously still upset with the way I'd treated her the last time I visited.Joyce and I were much less strained on that Christmas visit. Probably some part of it was all our phone conversations, and part of it was because we had both began treating our marriage as though it were over. We spoke in person much like we had been for the past few weeks over the telephone. Feeling like we'd ended our marriage left both of us dealing with the consequences and emotional impact of such a big decision. We spoke about everything, but carefully, both.
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