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.then this happened. "I'm sorry Hannah, I have to go," I say, and she nods. "Ok, call me sometime," she says, and I nod back. She leans forward, kisses my cheek, then turns to get out of my car. Holy mother fucking shit. Have I completely lost it? I imagine the hurt look Chanel's face would twist into if I tell her, and I cover my own face, growling into my hands. I'm not sure what I expected to get out of this. If anything, this definitely solidifies how I feel about Chanel. Made abundantly clear that I like her more than I thought I did, because I feel lower than the scum of the earth. We haven't talked about committing to each other, but I know she trusted me, and I turned my back on her. My phone buzzes loudly in the silence, and I startle like I've just been caught by Chanel. Before I even take it out of my pocket to look, I know it's her. When my eyes confirm her name on the screen, my stomach rolls. You should come over. I rolled the perfect joint and I want to share it. One cannot engage in sex continuously, you know, although we have had some memorable attempts. Eventually, though, there comes the most delicious of naps, and then, barring necessary activities, time to read.We all read, and we read a lot of different things – fiction, non-fiction, history, how-to, sci-fi, fantasy. Time at the helm when we’re making a passage, that’s alone time, the workload is low, you know, basically scan the horizon, check the radar, make sure the autopilot hasn’t lost its mind, all the engine gauges are in the green, and READ.It’s a good way to pass three or four uneventful hours of my watch, especially knowing that at the end, I go back into the cabin, take off a few clothes, slip into bed beside somebody who loves me, and by careful manipulation of certain anatomical features, determine if that person wishes to engage in a little ‘tickle, wiggle, and sigh” or just cuddle me to sleep, where ‘cuddle’ is bi-directional and low energy.And sometimes reading is what.
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