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You and B, and even Willow are the closest things I’ve ever had, and ever will have, to being s!sters. I can’t stand the thought of hurting any of you.’ ‘But if you leave, that’ll hurt, too!’ ‘Yeah. But not as much as if I stayed. Trust me. I know how much it hurts to be so close to someone you love, someone you’re in love with, and know they’ll never return your love.’ Faith’s eyes showed her sadness, even through the faked smile she wore as a mask. And Dawn suddenly knew who she was talking about. ‘Buffy?’ Dawn asked, and Faith’s surprise confirmed it. ‘Oh, the irony. I would, naturally, fall for the girl who’d secretly fallen for my s!ster. That’s rich. So that’s why you see me as a s!ster.’ ‘No. I mean yeah, that’s part of it. But I felt like an older s!ster to you long before I fell in love with Buffy. I’ve always felt protective of you, Dawn. Same as Buffy does. But you see, I have to leave. For both you and me. If I stay, I’ll not only be hurtin’ you, but myself, too. It hurts. Because it has, many times, everyday actually. Oh the possibilities. But Ive kept my nerve about me, for the most part. At first, when I was younger, I was too disgusted with myself to even look any of them in the eye knowing I was going home and touching myself to the thought of them. But eventually I relaxed and decided to stop being so hard on myself. Sometimes Id even find myself outright flirting with a couple of them. But I never crossed that line…until recently. And boy did I. There was one boy in particular. He was quiet and shy although very smart. I developed a fondness for him from the first day he stepped foot in my class 3 years ago. I have been watching him and Ive caught him watching me. So Id done what any responsible woman would do in my position. Id spread my legs and start rubbing myself when I knew he was watching. Not much. Very discretely. I was hoping to drive him wild every day. Hopefully one day something might happen. But he never made his move. I knew that.
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