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Did I miss something or am I going crazy already? I walk further and I hear a little noise coming from the bathroom. Carefully I walk to the door and listen carefully. I hear someone singing a lovely song. My heart is beating faster and faster. This is the moment I have waited for. But also the nervous feeling is growing wondering is this a good idea. I follow my heart and open the door. The bathroom is dark with only a few candles burning on a window sill. My eyes are getting used to the low dim light. To my surprise my wish has come true and I see you. You are in the bathtub covered under a blanket of soap. We both stare at each other and we both can’t believe we are in the same state yet alone in the same house. “Hi sweetie” you say with your lovely and sexy voice. I thought I would surprise you and take off early from work. I walk towards you and kneel down by the tub and whisper hi love. By instinct I gently kiss your soft lips and you feel so good. The kiss seems to last. Which is funny if you think about it, because I know intellectually that it happens to everyone and there’s nothing you can do about it, but there are nights when I finally falls asleep from exhaustion because the thought of death sends me into a panic attack. Which doesn’t help anything, because then I worry about what the lack of sleep is doing to me, which just creates a vicious cycle. My palms get sweaty and my heart feels like a jackhammer against my chest. I can tell I go into fight or flight mode, even though there’s nothing I can do. My breathing gets shallow and my hands curls up into fists. Now if I just had something to fight against. I have to move to get the excess energy out of my system or I start bouncing around like an over-sugared kid on a pogo stick. My jaw clenches, which in turn makes my head hurt, which makes me angry. I’ve been to counseling and we think we figured out what the problem is. I don’t like being unprepared and I have no idea what happens after you.
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