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A month ago I would've hated the idea, butnow...anything that might help with the way I'm feeling.DAY 32Had my first appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. He said it soundedlike I might have gender dysphoria. I fuckin' walked out. I'm not a [SlurRedacted], I'm a man!DAY 34Felt like shit again. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up anotherappointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptomsfit.DAY 35Second appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the. It was an awkward meal. By that point, it was clear to me that Erin had realized that not only had I heard her enjoying herself, but that I knew she knew I'd jacked-off in a sock.Our cabin came equipped with a full kitchen, and though we had tons of stuff in the fridge, Mom decided it would be nice to go up to the lodge for lunch. After two semesters of cafeteria food, I was not about to argue. Our state parks were renowned for their food. Though their budgets had been slashed all to hell, they still employed actual chefs to run their restaurants. Graduates of Culinary Arts schools. The fare was the usual stuff, but it was done with flair--you couldn't ask for a better cheeseburger. The fries made you grateful for your taste buds.Mom and Dad ordered their drinks and immediately headed to the buffet. I chose to order off the menu. It wasn't that I was sick of steam tables; I wanted to survive the afternoon, and the all-you-can-eat option carried a heavy weight. I ordered the club.
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