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'Open them Davy.', Auntsaid.I was completely mystified but at their bidding I took up a box and openedit. It contained a lovely black wide-brimmed feather trimmed hat. Stillpuzzled I said, 'It's really nice but why should I be opening it?'At that they both laughed and Aunt said, 'Why Davy, you silly goose, thosebundles are for you. Agnes and I thought you needed more things. Now goahead and open all of them.'This was indeed exciting news and I fairly flew at the pile. Before long Ihad them all open and what a wonderful lot of clothes they revealed. Therewas a very stylish suit of black silk with a long bell-bottomed wide sleevedjacket and a white blouse trimmed with loads of lace. There was also aformal afternoon dress in greyish beige trimmed with embroidery. To wearoutside was a dark brown fur trimmed coat and narrow brimmed hat. For housework as Mother had suggested was two cotton house frocks. There was also two complete changes of lingerie, not as dainty as that I had on but. That's disgraced former President of the United States, Richard Nixon. Poor Pat, you've got to feel for her. All that deep throating in underground car parks, the repeated illegal incursions into her safe space and never knowing whether tricky dicky was infecting her with bugs every time he made an entry. Not to mention having to play hostess to random groups of Cuban nationals of dubious provenance treating her personal harbour as a docking bay for insurrectionist pigs. Which just goes to show that married bliss isn't all anniversary gifts, Stepford Wife smiles and secret sojourns at the Watergate Hotel. So let's hope we can find something more appealing in the next letter. Dear Plump Clump My wife wants to dress up like a cheerleader for me, but I was a nerd in school and I'm afraid she'll get some jock to trap me in a locker. What should I do? Dynamic Napoleon Dear NappiesWhat could possibly be sexier than a bit of maturing, spousal flesh squeezed into a lycra vest and pleated.
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