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I want to scratch my scabs so bad. My fever is higher than normal. I can't stop shaking. The doctors keep promising medicines to make me better but what I have cannot be cured. They'll give me something to make it better. Something to slow my death and calm me for a few weeks, but the infection always comes back. It's there, living in my body, a constant reminder of my past sins. I want to yell for the doctors to leave me alone and let me die. I don't want to live. I want it all to end. This disease has destroyed my entire future. If I could do everything over again, I would. Sometimes it's just too late to go back. Sometimes your only future is having to pay for your past.NikkiI'd met Cody through a mutual friend of ours. Sandra was my best friend in college and was married to Ray, who had been roommates with Cody in college. It had been Sandra's birthday that weekend and Ray decided to give her a simple but elegant dinner party at their new house. I had just graduated college and. I had been flirting with David for the longest time. He was my coach when I was in little league of course in the third grade boys still have cooties, but by the time I was in fifth grade I realized boys were cute and I had my eye on the coach. Well, he was married but being only 11 years old I didn't care about that or the fact that he was old enough to be my father. I had a crush and nothing was going to stand in the way of my dreams. So I started picking on him all the time I would tease him so bad sometimes my mom yelled at me.I got hurt a lot playing ball mostly minor things that I brought on myself by trying to impress David. In little league most kids don't slide into the bases, but I did even when I didn't need to I wanted him to notice me and I was willing to try anything. At first I took care of my scrapes and bruises myself, but then I remembered how David would treat my scrapes when I was younger and I began to go to him when I got hurt on the field. When I realized that.
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