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It was hard to determine if he was hearing anything that was said. The man’s behavior concerned Ed. It was as though he had given up on life and was waiting to die.Rather than a single eulogy, the family had decided to have three of them given by different people that had known her in different contexts. Ed had argued that Mrs. Hayes was a woman of subtle complexity. No one person could know all that there was to the woman.Maria spoke as a neighbor, and told stories about how Mrs. Hayes had helped her neighbors in the manner that kind people usually did. There had been more than one occasion in which Mrs. Hayes had sat up the night watching over the children of families that were in the midst of a crisis. The kids of the neighborhood had always felt free to come to her house for milk and cookies while telling her their problems of being young. Maria spoke of simple acts of kindness that anyone could perform, but few would take the time to do them.By the time that Maria had finished,. " She shook her head. "I would like to think that Iam made of sterner stuff that that. But even to contemplate such athing... that moment of weakness was devastating. I collapsed intotears. I do not cry often or easily, Cindy. But at that moment I feltlower than ever before or since."It was a very strange moment for me. Even as I crumbled within, I feltalmost as if I could observe myself from outside. I saw myself in tearsand felt nothing but disgust. I berated myself to no effect. I calledmyself weak and a coward. A collapse was not something I could afford atthat time. If I failed at my job people could die. No, people would dieand that was simply intolerable. It was that simple. Yet somehow Ifailed to response to my own orders, and sat there in tears." K, I'm... sorry," I said. I reached out a tentative, comforting handand lightly gripped her shoulder. As David the gesture would have seemedinappropriate or effeminate.She gave my hand a quick squeeze. "Thank you." She cleared her.
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