The tunnel changed from snow and ice to stone construction, letting me know we were now in the Dwemer ruins.I could hear some machinery rumbling in the background, almost like a smithy and waterwheel rumbling. A table with a machine of some kind taken apart upon it lay in front of us. A book was sitting there, and I quickly browsed through it. Apparently this machine had been some kind of Dwemer automaton, like a giant spider but powered by a soul gem. I guessed that whoever had been doing this research was the source of the giant blood spatter on the floor near an impassable gate.As we proceeded passed this, one of those spiders jumped out of a compartment on the wall and began attacking us. A couple of swings of our swords was all that was needed to take the metal monster down. Following the tunnels up, down and around corners found us having a couple more of these dwarven spiders jumping out at us, to no avail on their part.I heard some wet thuds coming from up ahead. As we. Shehad become, she told me, a neo-pagan. The desire for heaven, she said,"is nothing but a Church-approved kind of concupiscence. Religion 'cures'self-centeredness by approving of another version of self-centeredness,condemning the Earth-centered versions that, at one time, needed to becriticized, but that now, as neo-Paganism, is a robust critique therampant afterlife-obsessed (and this Earth-ignoring) religiosity that hassevered humanity's collective imagination from our planet."I wasn't in the mood. Far from. In my illness it was impossible tocherish Earth or This Life with anything like Roberto's enthusiasm. Heleft rather quickly, let down by my lack of interest in all the things hehad to say about the wonders of Earth-worship.In the throes of this illness, suspicion marked my psyche. I doubted somany presumptions, but never the meaningfulness, to me, of my personalpractice of cross-dressing. Transvestitism has always been a kind ofperformance art in which, in my case, I'm both.
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