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She stood, just looking and smiling. Then she sat on the table and looked harder at me. ‘Are you watching me?’ She grinned, ‘Yes, like you were watching me.’ ‘I was not! I could see you but………..’ Her finger touched my lip. ‘If you lie to me now, I will never talk to you again.’ Her finger lingered on my lip then slid into my mouth. ‘Tell the truth.’ As her finger slid out I said, ‘How did you know?’ She nodded, apparently satisfied that I was no longer pretending even to myself. ‘Because, I was watching you.’ She smiled at me again as her finger traced my lips. She held her hand out to me and I took it. She pulled me and I stood and moved closer to her. ‘Come and join us.’ She stood and led me, compliant as I was, to a group of her friends, she introduced me although I had no idea how she knew my name. They were fun and friendly and, like me, almost sober. We laughed and talked and I was involved, included, enveloped in their friendship. She talked to me and to others, occasionally. Robert and I had kissed goodnight at the front door, casually, trying not to excite, but the tension underneath had been crackling. The oddest limbo.Barbara had come into my room and talked. She was kind and gentle too. Encouraging me. I'd poured out my heart about Robert and we'd cried together. She was inquisitive about what was in plan for my 'wedding night'. When I told her that there didn't seem to be anything special in plan, she'd looked at me oddly, saying that it didn't sound like Robert to let me down over something like that.And I'd worked. It was an enormous relief to find I could work again. No nagging distractions, uncertainties. I was in love and loved. Whenever I had a panic, I could fall back on that love and get back to work. None of the pencil chewing staring out of the window of the last weeks - and months. Now I was working well, I realised how bad things had got, slowly sliding down over the months. Ever since Elizabeth had made me realise that loving Robert.
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