Lankan Cock Sucking Aunty

’ (Ok. Lets try once more.)Next day morning, as expected, Aunty called me and asked me when can they come to meet. I called them in evening to my place. They came over and I asked them to sit and told I would just come. I brought some tea and sat infront. Deep inside, I knew tonight would be the lucky night.Uncle- ‘Rajesh, hum tumse baat karne aaye hain. Tumhe pata hai ki humein paise chahiye.’ (Rajesh, we have come to talk to you. You know we need the money.)Me- ‘Uncle, mujhe pata hai but maine jo deal offer ki hai woh nahi badlegi.’ (Uncle, I know but the deal i offered would not change.)Aunty- ‘Bete, tune aisa socha bhi kaise. Tu mere liye Rohit jaisa hai aur tu aisa sochta hai.’ (Son, how can you even think this. You are like Rohit to me and you think about me like that.)And she started crying.Me- ‘Aunty, main aapko pasand karta hoon. Main aapke bete jaisa hoon but aapka beta toh nahi hoon na. Dekhiye, jaldi decide kijiye warna mujhe baahar jaana hai kucchh doston se milne.’. Funerals and weddings have one thing in common: you let the church in and suddenly the first two-thirds of the ceremony have nothing to do with you. They are completely interchangeable from person to person. Here we are mourning an individual, someone who stood out from the crowd and who did their own thing, and there’s nothing individualized or unique about the first forty minutes of sermon. Lots of talk about God, hardly anything about August Cooper. No surprise there, really…that’s just the way it is…but I’m glad I insisted on saying a few words near the end. If I hadn’t, we might as well have just all gone to church on Sunday. Standing up here now, looking down at a poorly mixed handful of strangers, I wonder what the fuck the point even is. One of the nurses looks at her watch. The old man seated nearest the door quietly makes his exit. Even the priest seems distracted. The only person who really cares that August Cooper is never coming back is me. I take a deep breath. Let me.
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