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I couldn't understandwhy I was having these thoughts. I had stayed away from children as muchas possible. Had my interactions with Ashley implanted something within?Were these childlike thoughts nestling deep within my brain, like adeadly parasite that would eat away at the remains of my adult andmasculine self?The more I thought about it, the more anxious I became. In that moment,Eve seemed like a wonderful blanket, a soft downy cover to embrace mewith a gentle warmth. I fought the urge to reach out my arms toward her,but as I did, my anxiety worsened. My heart and my breathing increased,each one ostensibly trying to outrun the other. Just cut the fuckinghair. Cut it.Eve gently put down the scissors she had pulled from the medicinecabinet and said, "Breathe, Ryan. Slowly. In and out."Was I starting to identify as Kaylee? It seemed impossible, but here Iwas, and I didn't want to see my so-called beautiful hair reduced toshort tufts. I stared at myself, Eve's words barely registering,. Maybe he’s not even straight! Maybe… McGregor interrupted her self-scolding. “Caty,” he said softly, “hotel policy prohibits staff from getting involved with guests.” Caty prepared for the let down and began nodding her head in understanding. Holding up an open hand, McGregor halted her before she could articulate her understanding. “But, wait, just wait. That being said, I would love to spend time with you tonight.” There was a pause, and then seizing an opportunity for levity, McGregor asked, “Wait, by saying you would rather not be alone tonight, you were implying you’d like to spend the night with me, right?” motioning to himself. Caty threw her head back, laughing in a mixture of relief and anticipation. That lasted a moment and then the two discussed logistics. He lived a few minutes away in a loft he shared with two roommates and thought it was best to clean up a bit and return to her room. Caty gave him her room number and departed. “See you soon,” she called back to McGregor.
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