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Gradually I picked up the threads of my life again. The company he had worked for paid out what they called, “His entitlements,” that amounted to more than I had anticipated. Ted had paid into the superannuation scheme for many years, and although this did not leave me a “rich widow,” it left me with sufficient to see the girls through their education and keep the wolf from the door for the rest of my life as long as I could top up with my part time job. It must have taken me about two years to finally overcome my grief for Ted. I had often wondered how women, left widowed at a reasonably young age, that is, while they still have their sexual powers, managed. Over those two years I found out. I went into a sort of sexual limbo. In men it would probably be called impotence, what it might be called in women I don’t know, perhaps “frigidity,” but I lost all interest. The true depth of Craig’s relationship with Ted came to light at that time. He seemed to grieve almost as much as I did.. Just a simple fool. And he will destroy us all.’ But instead he remained quiet, silently watched thief-like grief steal into the room and take her from him, from the promise of homeland. At length she turned back to him and he saw the truth of Tomas’s triumph in her eyes. ‘It will be a long journey,’ he said with finality, admitting his own inevitable defeat. ‘Three days to Leningrad with the railroads as they are.’ He looked at her longingly, protectively. ‘From there? I cannot say. But you should be prepared to travel for a week, perhaps longer.’ She nodded, tried to smile. ‘Is it as cold as I’ve heard?’ ‘Colder.’ She sighed, tried to laugh but found only the infinite white drifts of despair without end calling her name. She walked to the window and looked out into the forest, saw a firefly drifting among the trees… ‘There was an old man, in the woods,’ she heard herself asking. ‘He was, I think, saying prayers. When I saw him he was kneeling in a shallow depression, it felt as if.
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