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It only made me more vulnerable to Brian. It made it easy for him to get me to sleep with him even though I really didn’t like him. I knew he was one of those men who think every woman is a ‘score,’ and who feel nothing for the woman as a human being. I knew he was a scummy thing to begin with and I knew it every time I let him do things to me. Doctor Jamison and I think that I was degrading myself to bring myself down to where I figured I would be equal with my Mom and Dad and Aunt Ruth. They were the all of my life for so long. I guess something inside me was saying they were the best I could be and so I tried to be them. It wasn’t working, I knew better from being around my dear husband and daughter. That was why it was tearing me up. It was hard breaking that conditioning but I’m here finally. We also found out that a part of me thought Alyssa was a rival for Mark’s affection. That was stupid but it made me feel resentful whenever she and Mark were around me. Doctor Jamison, and. He wasn't sure if he could do what he'd done to the other two young women.Philip felt like he'd have to approach the whole subject of babies somewhat differently with Pam. She was a slender nicely proportioned redhead and Philip knew that Pam had an attitude and a temper that went right along with her pretty red hair. He made up an excuse to travel to the city where Pam and Larry lived and he let his daughter know he was coming, and naturally she invited him to stay there in her home with her and her husband. Philip had actually thought about pleading the need to take a hotel room where he'd have a private bedroom that he could use with Pam, but he went along with her invitation and showed up at her house as he'd promised.that night at dinner, Philip talked with Pam and Larry and they discussed the normal things to get caught up on each other's lives from their months of not having seen each other. And then, eventually, he maneuvered the topic around casually to their having a baby.
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