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..This was another family I could never be a part of; another window I would never be able to breach. There was no hope of a future here; I'd always be second best. It hadn't even gotten that far. I was attracted to Jeanie but we weren't a couple; we had no past ... and maybe no future. Still, the potential was there. Jeanie had said she'd loved me; she'd fought with her sister because she had fallen for me. Love wasn't enough; love could never be enough. No, it's not enough. But it is an essential ingredient.I'm setting myself up for failure. There could be no success without the attempt; the only failure is to never have tried. I already tried; I failed. I'm a failure. I couldn't even keep my wife. She failed me; I didn't fail her. There was nothing wrong with me. Keep telling myself that, buddy. Keep telling myself I'm not a failure as I lose another one to her family. This needn't be either or. I could still have a family and allow her freedom. No. I can't. That isn't me. It isn't. Roland stole the program off the school server, Roland being smarter than the vice principal who loaded it to track where we go in the computer lab. They block it, you copy it, I tell Roland and give him a little kiss. He’s a total geek and I want to marry him someday. Everybody knows that geeks make great lovers by age 30 or 38.Roland’s sister Deanne is in Kenny’s grade. I know her from PE. She has to take PE as a senior because she chooses classes like calculus, and colleges see if you took PE. She’s plenty cute, though, even with her hair always in a braid.Deanne’s how I get the goods on her brother, like how he knew to sell his baseball cards when the market was high. My brother bought them.Deanne doesn’t fuck, just kisses them at the doorstep. Save it till it counts, her plan. Me, I don’t have a plan.Roland doesn’t even know he’s my almost-boyfriend, unless, of course, he knows and isn’t telling me that I’m his almost-girlfriend. It’s hard to out-psych a geek who’s smarter than.
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