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I flirt only when I’m sober. Sharp wits are required for the sport of flirting, or else a guy can end up against the ropes with the referee counting 10 before the number one registers. When I’m drunk, flirting is a spectator’s sport, second only to boxing. Freddy is my own personal featherweight champion. No matter his opponent, he is fierce and merciless, taking careful measure of body language, evading questions, throwing tough combinations of compliments and lies. He is technically single in the same manner that Oswald could technically have done the whole business in Dallas alone. In the way that a woman can claim a boyfriend at any given time in her life, Freddy can claim solidarity and bachelorhood with such grace that even he thinks it’s true sometimes. Whenever his phone rings, I have to guess by his tone and manner to whom he speaks. Long explanations mean it’s his mother, short brief answers mean it’s an underage buddy wanting him to buy a handle of cheap vodka, whiney wry. . !”“Yes ... And I’ve always wanted to get another one, but I met David, we got married and then Angela came along ... and because of his work ... he’s always so bloody busy and never wanted us to have one ... Anyway, the reason I’m telling you all this is because I’ve had enough... ! I didn’t go to work today because we had a huge argument yesterday. I told him I’d had enough of his long hours and not spending any time with us and not wanting to make love... ! Do you know how long it is since we made love... ?”“Sorry Janice ... No.”“I can’t even fucking remember... ! Maybe a year ... eighteen months ... I have needs ... I’m only thirty eight but he’s just not interested... !”“So why are you telling me this Janice... ?”“Because I want you to help me ... I know you introduced Angela to the joys of dog sex ... So if you want me to keep your dirty little secret ... I want you to help me too.”“So you want to have sex with Rambo... ?”“Maybe ... But I need to satisfy my needs and desires.
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