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I remember laying in bed when I was 10, 11 or 12, going to sleep and fantasizing about girls in the neighborhood, holding me down and kissing and "playing" with me. It was also around this time that I had my first sexual experiences. They all involved 3 older girls in the neighborhood, the girls were always "in charge". The first time involved them getting me to strip naked for them. They said they would too but after I had, they refused. I still remember the intensity of my feelings, standing there, naked while they "examined" me. Looking back on it, I know that it is that wonderful combination of sexual excitement, humiliation and fear the never fails to take me into "subspace", where I willingly submit to whatever She desires. Then there were other times that I was alone with one or the other of them. They would have me undress for them and they would partially undress. They had me masturbate while they watched and often had me lick and kiss their breasts, legs and privates. This. Or, more accurately, I was hurt. I was being offered the gift I'd so desperately wanted, but not in a way I could feel good about accepting. She knew me well enough to know that, so this proposition of hers was nothing but selfish and mean.She went eerily calm then, locked eyes with me and said in a quiet, sultry, matter-of-fact tone, "Look, Hale: you know I'm not happy in my marriage. You also know I'm attracted to you. And I know you're attracted to me, too. This heat between us is real, and it turns me on, and I don't feel like denying it anymore." At that last bit, she dropped her eyes noticeably to stare at my mouth. As if she was just barely keeping herself from kissing me full and hard on the lips. Dammit, she knew how to push my buttons.But what she didn't know was that my attraction to her went beyond platonic friendship, and beyond flirtatious sexual attraction. I had feelings for her, and this cheap come-on was pissing me off. I was jealous of her husband. I was still sad.
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