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Would she ever get over her feelings toward her body? It wasn’t that she didn’t like the shape of it – she actually would have thought it was a cute little round seductive body on someone else – it was just that it belonged to her. She just didn’t like the idea that she had a body at all. She didn’t like the fact that she felt like she was supposed to be treating it well, learning from it, appreciating it’s contribution to her whole self and perhaps working toward a picture of joint mental and physical health. Nicki had been told as a child that ‘fat’ was disgusting. When she had blossomed at puberty (ok, before puberty!), she was told that she was developing into a lusty object for men’s sexual fantasies (at least some parts of her body were doing that), and now that she was an adult, she was bombarded by a world that seemed to think that anything higher than 2% body fat was TOTALLY uncool. Of course, it was the mind games from Nicki’s childhood that had marked her the most. She had. I don’t know how I’ve come to be in this place, I have never been here before, yet everything looks familiar. I experience a feeling of completeness, as if everything is as it should be. The silence of the room is broken only by the occasional hiss of the flames and the crack of thunder in the distance. I look around, scanning the shadows, and realize that I am alone. Where am I? How did I get here? The answers elude me. And for the first time I am aware that I am naked, but strangely, unconcerned, unashamed. Looking around the room again I notice that the room is empty, the only piece of furniture is a large chair, propped against the far wall, hidden in the shadows near the door. I rise and walk towards the window, unmindful of the cold stone beneath my feet. The further I move away from the fire, the more I am enveloped by the cool darkness of the room, until my body becomes part of the shadows. Except for the occasional flash of lightning, nothing else is visible in the murky.
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