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The first birth is one of flesh. You come into this world as something small, somebody weak and without significance. You live an unexceptional life. You go to the right school, you get the right job, you eat the right foods, you take the right pills, you date and you fuck the right people. All of the things that should make you happy.It's all so boring.The voice in your head has been there for as long as you can remember. It's a quiet voice, an unassuming voice. It doesn't tell you to kill, it doesn't tell you that you were born in the wrong body, it doesn't push you to greatness. It always repeats the exact same thing whenever it speaks to you."You could do so much better."It doesn't affect you, at least you don't think it does. It's just a normal intrusive thought, that's what everybody says. You believe them. You tone the voice out, in your darkest moments you lump it in as just another negative thought. Just another sign of depression. But it doesn't just speak in your low. I followed with my finger one funnel of smoke. ‘Send it all up and out just like this smoke. Bye, bye. Uncle Ned? Bye, bye. Guilt? Bye, bye.’ Jolene snuggled up to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. ‘You are just the sweetest thing,’ she whispered in her sexy voice. ‘Can I hold on to you for ever?’ ‘Only if you let go of all this crap.’ I hugged her tightly and kissed the side of her face. ‘I love you, Jolene.’ ‘Oh, Richie. I love you too.’ She turned her face and our lips melted into each other. It was a long, sweet kiss, not wet and sexy, but soft and tender. ‘We better get dressed,’ I said, seeing the clock over her shoulder. ‘Our movie is just about over.’ She made a noise of protest and clutched me tighter. I inhaled the smell of Jolene, reveled in the feel of her soft skin against my body and ignored, probably for the first time in my life, the hard on that was developed between my legs. ‘Come on, angel, we need to go,’ I said as I stood. My boner bounced in front of her.
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