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Even Santa whom I love for his white beard, big belly, and ‘ho! ho! ho!’ the spitting image of God, seems like a figment of my imagination. Ian has left me an invitation, anyway. A chance to go to Christmas Mass, sing in praise of everything I cannot put real words to and oh! I love it so! I love him, I really do, but I wish he weren’t such as a church-goer. I am terribly afraid of loud organs in large closed spaces. Almost spooky it felt the last time I went. ‘8am. See you there’, it says on the note. But I didn’t go. You know me. I never keep appointments that I make. Especially not at 8am to go to someone’s cult gathering when it’s 20 degrees outside and I can be warm and asleep. You left a message on the phone. Usually when you leave a message there is a nice ring to your voice, something loving the way it teases as it says, ‘See you soon’. But none of that today. The christian zealot is mad I did not attend the Mass to thank the God who saved his very life from the hands of. " I had gone out with several woman during this time, but not one wasinterested in getting 'kinky', they just wanted straight vanilla sex,maybe doggie, but that was rare. So, my desires took a back seat andfaded into the back ground. During this time, I went to see severalcounsellors, never once addressing the real issue, but addressing mydepression and how to remedy it and my 'weight gain'." One thing led to another and I married, just over 14 years ago. Am Ihappy, maybe, I'd say I was more content. I do what I can to please mywife and make her and my son happy. I'm now at a stage, I'd like toexplore a bit in privacy and maybe get some issues off my chest. Why amI telling you this? You look 'trust-worthy' and I usually go with mygut feelings about people. Of course, when they are wrong, I neverforgive, nor do I forget and as the Hulk would say, 'You wouldn't likeme if I'm angry.'" I hope to never see your 'angry' side then, thank you for your trust,"she said with a small.
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